I feel like… my eyes are about to explode. My eyelids are red, swollen and sore. I feel like I’m covered in weights and every movement I make feels heavy and I am far too weak. There’s a lump in my throat and it’s making it difficult to breath. I feel… completely broken.
Two different roads
I feel like a complete fool for falling for this again. For thinking that this was going to be my happily ever after. For letting my heart get carried away with the idea of true love and soul mates. For thinking that a girl like me could be loved back just as much by a guy like you. To be told by the person you are hopelessly in love with that they rather be alone than be with you, is by far the most heartbreaking thing I could think of. I’ve always fought for you, for us. But how can you fight for someone who’s willing to forfeit you? I would look over at you and see everything I’ve ever dreamed of having in another person. My someone special, the person who was my best friend and lover. The person I could wrap myself in and never leave, forgetting everyone else but us. Not being afraid to be silly and laugh at ourselves, never arguing about anything serious, always always laughing at everything. I thought people wanted this kind of love? To fall in love with their best friend and build a life together. I feel like we had what everyone wanted… and now it’s just gone. Completely blindsided.
When I would look down the road, I’d see you there, dressed in jeans, a shirt and your sneakers. With wrinkles outlining your green eyes and gray strands in your sandy blond hair, holding my hand. I never saw me in a white dress with you looking at me from down the aisle, that wasn’t important to me. What was important, was that we’d grow old together, while making beautiful memories along the way. So that we could sit in the home that we built together and look back at the wonderful life we shared.
But you were looking down a different road. Now time will go by and you’ll forget me, you’ll meet a girl and look down the road and see the things that I once saw. You’ll live a happy life with her and build the home that I once dreamed for us. I hope I’m strong enough to do the same someday. Because right now… the road is looking very dark without you.
The Loneliest Whale in the World.
In 2004, The New York Times wrote an article about the loneliest whale in the world. Scientists have been tracking her since 1992 and they discovered the problem:
She isn’t like any other baleen whale. Unlike all other whales, she doesn’t have friends. She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn’t have a lover. She never had one. Her songs come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25hz, she sings at 52hz. You see, that’s precisely the problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And, with every lonely song, she becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.
So many tears. Oh my God
:(
I wanna cry
